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To be read aloud with tongue in cheek
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Since several of my readers said they enjoyed the columns dealing with vagaries in our language, I'll do one more.

An old friend sent this, in an e-mail, entitled "Lexiphiles."

I did not find that word in my dictionary, but "lex" is a root concerning words and "phil" with love or strong attraction, I suppose a lexiphile is one who is attracted to words.

Anyway, I'm happy to share.

• To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

• When fish are in a school, they sometimes take debate.

• A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

• When smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

• The professor discovered that her theory about earthquakes was on shaky ground.

• The batteries were given out free of charge.

• A dentist and a manicurist married; they fought tooth and nail.

• A will is a dead giveaway.

• If you don't pay your exorcist, you may get repossessed.

• Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I'll show you A-flat minor.

• With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

• You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

• Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

• A boiled egg is hard to beat.

• When you've seen one shopping mall, you've seen a mall.

• Police were called to a day care center where a 3-year-old was resisting a rest.

• Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

• A bicycle can't stand alone. It is two tired.

•When a clock is hungry, it can go back four seconds.

• The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

• He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

• When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

• The fellow who fell into the glass-making machine made a spectacle of himself.

• Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

Helen Taylor's column appears periodically in the Dawson Community News.

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