Do you want to hear something kind of pathetic?
The last movie I saw in a theater was "Bruce Almighty."
That was 14 years ago.
In a way, I am fine with that; sitting in the dark with a bunch of strangers was not really my idea of a good time. I only went for the popcorn with double-extra butter and peanut M&M's, which were dumped in the vat of popcorn.
My husband is not keen on going to the movies either. Maybe he didn't want a repeat visit after he saw what I did to popcorn.
Renting movies was kind of a hassle. We always had late fees. I think I may still have a VHS copy of "Troop Beverly Hills" from the former Hometown Video tucked under my cabinet from the late ‘80s.
Watching TV usually means Lamar is in the bedroom watching a documentary of some kind and Cole and I are watching something in the living room.
Typically, it falls in the cartoon category so it's not something I necessarily want to watch.
We hoped, thought, believed when we got Netflix it would solve these entertainment struggles once and for all.
No such luck.
"Let's find something we all can watch," Lamar will suggest.
It sounds promising, doesn't it? Like it's the start to a night of family togetherness and fun.
Nope.
"No documentaries," Cole will state matter-of-factly as he gives his dad a sideways glance.
"But -"
"Please no."
"How about this one?" Lamar asks as he scrolls through.
"No," Cole and I say in unison.
"Come on! It looks good."
"It's technically a documentary about someone being naked and alone in the woods and I am pretty sure it ends with them being eaten by bears. No," I state firmly.
"What about this one?" he asks.
"That one is about some sports person - another documentary," Cole says.
"This one?"
"Um, the last time you watched something about alien conspiracy theories you didn't sleep for three nights," I tell him. "I thought this was going to be something for the whole family and not just boring stuff you'd only want to see?"
He frowned. "Alright. This one?"
It was a movie from the 80's that I didn't even like when it first came out. "No!" Cole and I cried in unison.
"Is there nothing with Keanu?" I ask. "What about Sandra Bullock? Drew Barrymore?"
"ET?" Lamar offers.
"No, too long and too sad. I always cry."
"They took Bob's Burgers off Netflix," Cole says forlornly. "That would be a good one for us to watch."
Lamar grimaces. "Hey, I like Bob's Burgers," I say. "It's really good."
"Cheers?"
"No!" we respond again.
"But I like Cheers," Lamar says. "It's relaxing."
He made us sit through The Money Pit a week ago. I think he has a secret crush on Shelley Long.
"Is there seriously nothing with Keanu Reeves? He has made like 100 movies!"
"Only that movie with the creepy Shining dude," Cole says. "And no one likes that movie but you. Sorry, Mama."
"But I love that movie. It also has Frances McDormand in it; I love her!"
"How many times have you seen that?" Lamar asks.
"How many times have you seen Cheers? If I can quote episodes by line, then I know you can."
"How about Homeward Bound?" Cole suggests.
"Nothing with an animal; it makes me upset," I say. Lamar agrees with me for a change.
I suggest a Hallmark Christmas movie.
"It's July, Mama."
"You say we're supposed to keep the spirit of Christmas year-round," I deflect.
"Get off the romantic comedies," Cole urges his father. "She will make us watch Hope Floats again!"
"I thought they took that off - let's watch that!"
"No!" Lamar and Cole cry.
"We can watch Glee."
Lamar looks at me with disgust. "Sometimes I think you hate me."
"Is there seriously not anything with Keanu?"
"I told you - the creepy Shining guy movie is the only one."
This went on for another 45 minutes.
Our Friday night entertainment boiled down to us arguing over what we were not going to watch and why.
Between Netflix, Hulu and our channels on Dish, we probably have over 300 options for our viewing pleasure.
And what did we end up watching?
Cheers. We watched Cheers.
Sudie Crouch is an award winning humor columnist and author of the novel, "The Dahlman Files: A Tony Dahlman Paranormal Mystery."