I don't consider myself to be judgmental. I don't. In fact, I think I am one of the least judgmental people I know.
"You are being judgmental," I will reprimand Mama when she gets on her high horse about something.
"I am not," she will refute.
"Are too," I will say. "You are being critical and judgmental and don't even know it."
Like Mama, like daughter.
"Quit being so judgmental," my friend Todd scolded me last week.
This was not the first time he had accused me of this, and I am quite certain it would not be the last.
"I'm not being judgmental at all," I said defensively. "I am merely saying, if it were me, I would not do that. I think it's maybe wrong."
"No, that's not judgmental at all," he said, not hiding the sarcasm then pondered. "The things I could judge you about."
I was almost too scared to ask so I didn't.
"I'm really not judgmental, Todd," I argued. "You think it's me being judgy-judgy, it's just me stating my opinion. No judgments."
"Aren't you judging me for being too judgmental?" I asked.
"No, I am saying, Judge Sudie, that you worry about how things ‘look' and if it doesn't look the way you think it should, you're all ‘ya'll gonna burn eternal.' And don't bother saying otherwise; we both know it's the truth."
Okay, maybe he's right. So I will take full responsibility for this and do what any grown up woman should do.
I blame Granny.
That's right. If it hadn't been for her being the moral compass of the whole ding-dang family for nearly a century, none of us would have ever known certain things were just plain debauchery. "Look at her," Granny would say, pointing at a lady as she'd go in the Piggly Wiggly. "That woman's a floozy and just a-flaunting it. She oughta be ashamed!"
Now how Granny knew anything about this woman, I do not know, but Granny was a floozy expert, so I believed her.
"So-and-so's husband ain't even cold in the grave and she's already going to get married again in a few weeks. That's just terribly disrespectful," Granny said.
"Maybe she loves him?" I asked, wondering how Granny knew everyone's business.
Granny snorted. "She does not. And I don't care if she does. It don't look nice. It's all about how things look."
Apparently the old gal's critical spirit and judgy-judgyness rubbed off on me over the years.
I do find myself saying things like that, but never thought for once I was being judgmental. I thought I was just merely stating my opinion on the matter, based on what I thought was the general consensus of rightness.
Or what I thought Granny would have said about the subject.
I think Todd was right, but I am not about to tell him that.
I don't really get onto Mama when she's being judgmental anymore. It looks like we both came by it honestly.
Sudie Crouch is an award-winning humor columnist and certified life coach.