I am one of those rare people who actually uses their cell phone to talk.
I will text and take photos of Cole to send Mama, but I would say about 90 percent of the time, I just talk.
When I told this to the girl at the cell phone store, you would have thought I was speaking Swahili.
"Don't you want to upgrade to a new smartphone?" she asked.
"Nope. I just want a free one I can get with the two-year renewal," I told her, looking at a measly four phones on the wall. "Are these the only free ones ya'll have?"
"Yes," she answered. "Everyone wants a smartphone or an iPhone or a Droid."
I can appreciate that; I am sure most people do.
Heck, even my child wants one and he's 7.
"I just want whatever's free. Does this one come in any colors other than blue?"
"We've got black and purple," Cell Girl said.
"I'll take purple." I am color coordinated if not high-tech.
"Do you not use your phone to get online? To check Facebook? Or the weather?" Cell Girl pressed.
"I sit in front of a computer pretty much all day. I can check the Weather Channel or Facebook any time I need to and you know checking Facebook is really not necessary, right?"
Cell Girl kept on; she had a pre-recorded spiel she was supposed to give and she was going to give it.
She could tell she was losing me, so she tried to appeal to things that would entertain a certain child who was listening nearby.
"There's apps for YouTube, if you like YouTube. You can watch videos on your phone. You can play games; there's apps for all kinds of games..."
She was cut short by Cole wanting to know what kinds of games.
At the announcement of one of his favorites, Cole pleaded with me to get one of the new high-tech phones.
"No." I said.
"Please, Mama," he begged. "I need a phone."
"So I can call you when I am on the playground. That way you know I am safe. I can call and let you know what kind of homework I have, or if you need to tell the teacher something, I could call you."
I had to hand it to him, he sounded pretty dang convincing.
"No. You do not need a phone. Not now."
"I'm the only child at school without a phone."
"I doubt that," I replied.
Cole eyed the phone on the display that had the Angry Birds demo playing with genuine yearning.
"How about you get me one when I turn 8?"
"We'll see," I sighed. I was exhausted and all I had wanted was a new free phone.
"Just think, Mama," he said. "If you get me a phone, then you'll be able to be all up in my business like you like to do."
And by the time he's old enough to get a phone, I'm sure there'll be an app for that too.
Sudie Crouch is an award-winning humor columnist and certified life coach.