Like many others, I am a December baby.
My original due date was supposed to be in January, but the only time I decided to arrive early to anything was when I made my grand entrance in the world.
I don't remember my first birthday, but have seen pictures of myself sticking fingers in a decadent chocolate cake that my Uncle Bobby got me from the Black Forest Bakery in Athens, hailed to have been the premier bakery in the ‘70s.
After that, my birthday was a flop for a while.
There was no big parties - who had time to worry about coordinating a birthday party during the month of December, let alone, the week before Christmas.
No, usually, Mama and Granny had the swell idea of just bringing cake and a bucket of chicken to school for me to have a party with my class. It gave the teachers a brief respite and then, Mama usually sprung me out a little bit early.
When it came time for my present, Granny would instruct me to go pick out a gift from under the tree.
"Not that one. No, put that one back. Uh uh. No. That's an early Santa gift; he dropped that one off when you was at school. No - get that one back there with the green bow on it."
A green bow that was probably older than me as it clung to life on the box with layers of clear tape (because Granny was not about to throw anything away - she could get a dozen Christmases out of that bow) was my symbolic green light to my birthday present.
I eagerly tore the paper off and opened the box - careful not to rip it because Granny would re-use the boxes for decades, too - and found just what every kid hopes they never receive as a gift:
Footy pajamas with some kind of horrible ‘70s design - maybe a Care Bear riding a unicorn - was not a good birthday present.
"I didn't want footy pajamas," I would say.
"You needed ‘em," Granny would declare.
"I didn't want them, though."
The old gal would snort.
"I didn't ask you if you wanted them, I told you you needed ‘em - you done outgrown your other ones and these will keep you warmer than a gown. And lookie," she began, pointing to the drop-seat flap in the back- just what every little girl wants to see on her jammies.
"Now you ain't got to take ‘em all the way off to go potty."
My sugar high from the school cake had worn off, so I didn't attempt to argue with the woman. Disappointed, I went to my room, with my highly flammable - but with excellent traction -footy pajamas in hand.
I wondered if I could move my birthday. Perhaps having a birthday in July? No, the Fourth was then and it was hot. Plus, school was out; no way to have a party with my class. November? Thanksgiving.
What about September? Labor Day.
Was there any good month to be born? I surmised not.
I was the only child, only grandchild, and only niece - and the best they could manage was "Go pick out a present from under the tree?" To paraphrase Molly Ringwald in "Sixteen Candles," don't adults live for this stuff?
"Mama, something needs to change?" I said the day after.
"What do you mean, Kitten?"
"I got footy pajamas for my birthday."
"And you looked adorable last night in them!"
That woman needed to cut back on the caffeine sometimes.
"No, Mama," I began. "Don't you think it's wrong that I have to pick out my birthday present from under the tree? It's like my birthday doesn't get its own day. It's not fair. My birthday should not be an afterthought. It's not even in birthday paper - it's in poinsettia paper."
I may not have been quite as logical and eloquent in my delivery; I was 11 after all. But Mama understood.
From that year on, Mama decided to give my birthday gift either before December, or after - my choice. Instead of poinsettia paper, it's usually still in the bag from the store she bought it, complete with the receipt in case I want to return it.
She even will call me when she is in a store and tell me what she is looking at or sends me a picture, asking me if it's something I want. Needless to say, she's gotten better at the birthday gifting thing over the last 30 years.
Granny wasn't on board with the whole separate gift idea until Mama pointed out to the old gal, who's birthday was May 13, that maybe she would be fine with a combo gift for Mother's Day.
"Oh," Mama said, in her genteel passive aggressive way. "So we can get you a pair of footy pajamas, too, then?"
"No, I was a-born a long time before I was a mother," was her reply. "And I expect something nice for my birthday and something nice for Mother's Day. And don't you get me no footy pajamas - you get me anything to sleep in, it better be a gown."
A gown. The old gal wanted a gown as one of her gifts.
Because no one wants footy pajamas for their birthday.
Sudie Crouch is an award winning humor columnist and author of the e-published novel, "The Dahlman Files: A Tony Dahlman Paranormal Mystery."